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Toxic Relationships

Severing ties with negative people is a healthy action to take. But what if that person is a family member? Over the years I have listened to so many clients that struggle with this very thing. How do we handle a toxic negative family member?

There is a mixture of loyalty, guilt and angst when it comes to severing the cord of a family member. We love our family members and if they needed us, we would be there for them. Why not do exactly that but from a distance. No where does it say that we need to have toxic family members in our lives daily. There is no reason to be unkind or malice. By being this way, you go down to their level. Keep yourself up lifted don’t step into their drama, unhappiness or confusion that they create.

Loving ourselves first is most important. The love we have is the love give. This love supports us and nurtures us. It aids us in being able to protect ourselves from the negativity of others. It becomes our shield at family gatherings with the toxic family member. Our love radiates out and those who are ready to receive will and exchange the love back. Those who are not loving themselves will either want what you have, try to tear it down or walk away. No matter what their reply or reaction is, remember that their reaction is theirs not yours. In the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz (if you have not read this book, I highly recommend it) the second agreement is Don’t Take Anything Personally. This means anything, what people say, how they act and they’re over all behavior. It isn’t about you it is about them. They cast out their feelings good, bad or indifferent. The thing that happens is that people who don’t love themselves and are negative have a real talent for pushing our buttons. So, instead of reacting take a breath and respond with love and grace.  We tend to react and fall right into their trap. Again, therefore being strong in your love of self and personal power is so important. Being sure of who you are is what gives you the ability to maneuver through life’s ups and downs and toxic people no matter who they are.

So, at the next family gathering don’t go in with dread and fear of being sucked in, instead go in with strength and courage. The strength and courage that is your divine right. Be true to you and your soul being. Walk away if you must but do it with poise, grace and love. Mentally bless them as you walk away. Make sure you do not hold any anger or resentment towards another as that would only cause you harm, not them.

Every situation and every challenge in life has a spiritual solution and that is love. Starting with self-love and radiating outward. You see we have no control over another family member, coworker, friend or stranger; all we have control of is our self and our actions. If you are confronted take a moment that moment that exists between the stimulus and response. In that moment take a breath, go within and be strong in your personal power and your true divinity.

If you have challenges and struggles with finding your true self reach out and schedule your free phone call with me.

Peace & blessings,

Mary

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